The shining Oh wait a minute
by Concept of a demon
Summary: The sequel to my previous humour story ”the exorcist. Oh wait a minute”. Should hopefully be worth reading. Kain and co. goes to the Overlook hotel. Finished.
1. Arrival

The shining. Oh, wait a minute.  
  
I'm baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaack. And it will get even more stupid this time around. Though with the way the stupidity fest that was the last story was, it's gonna be a challenge. But I'll try and do it. By the way, I got new muses.  
  
Murray the skull (from Monkey Island): I'm scary. Fear me, mortal. MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.  
  
Darth Vader (heavy breathing): Concept. I. Am. Your. Father.  
  
Concept: Uhh, riiight. Come to think of it, these guys aren't inspiring me at all. Why do I call them muses? Oh well. You will read "the exorcist. Oh wait a minute", if you haven't yet. (why haven't you read it yet?).  
  
On with the fic.  
  
********************************************************************  
  
A car is driving on an icy road.  
  
Kain: How the hell can all of us vampires/demons/whatever be in a single car?  
  
Fine. Minivan.  
  
Vorador: It's still hellishly cramped.  
  
Fine. A freaking BUS! Happy?  
  
vampires/demons/whatever: Yep ^_^  
  
Kain: Ouch, I'm getting cramped in my legs. SPRING BREAK. Oh wait a second.  
  
Dont' steal from the title.  
  
Vorador: Hehe. Tits.  
  
Rahab is pranking the hell out of all the others because he is the only one who can pick up the snow which is made of water. Aside from the soul reaver version of Raziel, but that's just a plothole.  
  
All (-Rahab): IT BUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU-  
  
Breathe.  
  
-UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU UURRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNS! DAMNIT, RAHAB!  
  
Rahab: Hahahahahahahahahahahahaha. This is hilarious.  
  
Dumah punches Rahab who goes flying.  
  
Rahab: WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHH!!!!!!!! !!!!! (Ps: !!!!)  
  
Vraz: Kain, why the hell did you agree to take this job?  
  
Kain: I have to do something.  
  
Flashback-  
  
Nothing happens.  
  
I SAID FLASHBACK- (punches flashback. It starts rolling)  
  
Two girls are carressing a guy. WHAT THE HELL? VORADOR, YOU ASSHOLE, HAVE YOU BEEN IN THE FLASHBACK MACHINE AGAIN?  
  
Vorador: I swear, it's just milk.  
  
WHAT? I'LL KILL YOU FOR THIS!  
  
Vorador: Woah.  
  
Okay, the prober flashback this time please.  
  
Flashback-  
  
Eminem: look. If you had. One shot. One chance. To seize everything you ever wanted.  
  
End Flashback  
  
DAMNIT, HASH. GIVE ME THE RIGHT ONE NOW.  
  
Flashback-  
  
Malek: Now, Kain, you once tried to murder me, so why should I give you this job?  
  
Kain: Because I now know "spirit death". Ya know, the spell that can destroy your soul.  
  
Malek: I see. The job is yours. Just don't go crazy in a "heeeeeres Johnny" way.  
  
Kain: Won't happen. My name ain't John.  
  
Malek: And for gods sake, don't bring your psychic kid along.  
  
Kain: Are you dissing my kids? I'LL KILL YOU!  
  
Malek: No, what I mean is, don't bring the kid you have that can see the future.  
  
Kain: Vampiric Raziel? But he will be so dissapointed. Besides, Concept of a demon can't provide any story if I don't.  
  
Malek: Fine. Just be careful with the "bloody elevator".  
  
Kain: Are you making fun of english people?  
  
Malek: No, it's a pun. There's blood coming out of it.  
  
Kain: I can tell I'll be spending a lot of time with that thing.  
  
Malek: It's ghost blood.  
  
Kain: Damnit. Just like your soldiers, huh?  
  
Malek: NoIjustdon'twantyoutodrinkit.It'stheonlytouristattractionattheplace.  
  
Kain: What?  
  
Malek: It's cursed. Drinking it will have the same effect as eating 400 Font of Putrescence.  
  
Kain: I see. I'll be sure to keep away from it then.  
  
Malek: Also be careful with that hedge maze. It is helluva slippy, sucka.  
  
Kain: Oh great. Mr. T mode. Snap out of it, Malek.  
  
Malek: Sorry, what was I saying?  
  
Kain: Just forget it. Now please tell me what things I need to forget in order for me to blow up the hotel after my "here's Johnny" phaze.  
  
Malek: Remember to handle the boiler.  
  
Kain: I'm so glad Vorador isn't here to make perverted jokes about that.  
  
Malek: Mhm, yes, indeed.  
  
Kain: I'll take the job.  
  
End flashback.  
  
Turel: Ya know, Concept, that wasn't funny at all.  
  
One can always hope.  
  
Vraz: I predict, no reviews for a month and then 2 flamers.  
  
Vraz is horribly mutilated.  
  
Vraz: Ouch.  
  
Kain: Just shut the hell up. It's picnic time.  
  
Ariel: During winter?  
  
Kain: YES, DO YOU HAVE A PROBLEM WITH THAT?  
  
Ariel punches Kain hard in the stomach.  
  
Kain: Ouch.  
  
(hey, page 5)  
  
Dumah: Damnit, you're not doing that again.  
  
Okay, sorry.  
  
Janos: Hey, Ariel is pretty tough, huh?  
  
SRRaz: That's my girlfriend.  
  
Everybody else: WTF?  
  
SRRaz: Didn't you know?  
  
Zephon: No, Concept just made this plotpoint now.  
  
Ariel: True.  
  
Moebius: Do Vorador have more "milk"?  
  
Concept: YEAAAAARRRRRGHHI'LLKILLYOU!!!!  
  
Magnus: BOY IN TOO BIG CLOTHING HAS MANIFESTED AGAIN.  
  
Concept pulls out a banana with an S on it.  
  
Sebastian: Oh shit, he's been playing Worms 2 again. Run for cover.  
  
Moebius sees the approaching banana.  
  
Moebius: huh?  
  
The banana blows up taking nearly all of Moebius with it. But not all. You see, he's just like Buu from Dragon ball z. He can regenerate as long as there's something left of him. Buu, however, is not this pathetic.  
  
VRaz: That was the longest narration you ever did in one of your humour (insert snort and sarcastic nodding here) -Quit doing that- stories.  
  
Dumah: That didn't make much sense.  
  
Chaos rampant, an age of distrust. Confrontations. Impulsive habitat.  
  
Kain: What the f-ck?  
  
Melchiah: He's been listening to Slayer again.  
  
Turel: I thought he likes to listen to Metallica?  
  
Rahab: Yeah, but he found out it's not very funny to be "drumsticked" by Lars Ulrich, so he stopped it. Besides, it wasn't any good anyway. It sucks. It sucks. It sucks. It sucks. It sucks. It sucks. It sucks. It sucks. It sucks.  
  
Vorador: "drumsticked", sounds kinky.  
  
Concept knocks Vorador out with a cola bottle.  
  
Concept: A little less pervertedness, please.  
  
Umah: And that comes from you. You are pervertedness manifested.  
  
Concept: No, I'm just in the pupercy.  
  
Umah: Which is the stage where you are most perverted.  
  
Kain: Which leaves the question of wether Vorador ever left his pupercy.  
  
Umah: Or wether you did.  
  
Kain: What?  
  
Umah: The things you want me to do when the kids are asleep.  
  
Kain: Let's not mention that. ALL RIGHT EVERYBODY, SPRINGBREAK'S OVER. Oh, wait a minute. We need to go to the hotel.  
  
(Hey, page 7)  
  
Dumah: Quit it.  
  
They all arrive at the hotel. Only the gartner is there to greet them.  
  
Nupraptor: Hi. Allow me to talk to you guys while talking to your son telepathically.  
  
Kain: Okay, prattle on.  
  
Nuppy: Well, everybody's leaving. Which is just as well, otherwise you'd probably kill more than your family.  
  
After Nuppy has shown everybody around he talks with Vampire Raziel.  
  
Nuppy: You must be careful. Your dad might go crazy Shining style.  
  
Vraz: usually, he's worse than that. And besides, shouldn't you be talking to the youngest one in the family? I'm the second oldest after Soul reaver Raziel.  
  
Nuppy: Don't ruin the story.  
  
Vraz: Sorry.  
  
Nuppy: Don't go into room 666, don't go outside (the snow will burn you) and you are capable of "THE DIMMING".  
  
Vraz: Don't you mean "the shining"?  
  
Nuppy: Quiet, boy, are you trying to get us sued?  
  
Vraz: Sorry. What is the dimming?  
  
Nuppy: Suggested by OrpheumZero, it is an ability you have due to a random twist to the story "the exorcist. Oh wait a minute". Basically, you can read minds and see the future.  
  
Vraz: And I thought I was Omniscient. Damn.  
  
Nuppy: Tough break, kid.  
  
********************************************************************  
  
And here it ends. I want 5 reviews as usual. Heh, I finally got my lazy ass up from my chair and started writing. 


	2. settling down

Heyhey, a disclaimer: I don't own anything that appears in this story. At least I don't think so.  
  
Kudos:  
  
MortalSora: Well, I'm trying to make it unique, but we're just gonna have to wait and see. And yes, those banana bombs are mo'fo. Especially if you been in the weapon editor.  
  
Popeland: Well, you can look in the kitchen, because that's were he's hiding. Then you can get your door back.  
  
sylvanon the wolf gurl: Thanks, I'm sure it will come in handy.  
  
Dark Sephy: Yep, so far that is how it's supposed to go. Then again, I only got to see the shining twice or so, before my dumbass dad deleted it.  
  
Random Reader: I'll update as soon as I got the requested amount of reviews. And yes, I do try to keep them in character.  
  
A/N: Well, people, I hope you like this chapter.  
  
Murray: I can scare everybody. Fear me, mortal, for I will be your doom.  
  
Darth Vader: I don't think so, bonehead.  
  
Murray: Shut up. Words can hurt, you know.  
  
Concept: Wow, oddness. My author's notes are really stupid. Oh well. Enjoy.  
  
********************************************************************  
  
After Nupraptor and Vampire Raziel has finished talking, some servant helps the family with their luggage. When they are done, they all walk out in the lobby.  
  
Kain: Anything else I need to know?  
  
Malek: Not really. Iamafterallhopingthatyouwillgetkilledduringwinter.  
  
Kain: What?  
  
Malek: You know all you need to know. Have a nice winter. (muttering) In hell. Hehe.  
  
SRRaz (to vampire Raziel): Did the gartner "have fun" with ya?  
  
Vraz: No, he was just talking to me. Now, F-ck off, dumbass.  
  
Turel: Would you believe this place has over a thousand rooms?  
  
Dumah: Really? And they haven't skipped any numbers?  
  
Turel: Nadaz.  
  
Dumah: Cool. Let's visit room 666 then.  
  
Vraz: What do you know about that?  
  
Turel: Superhearing. We are vampires after all.  
  
All of a sudden all the vampires are outside. They are saying goodbye to the working people who are leaving. They are then going inside again.  
  
Kain: Heeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeerrrrrrrrrrreeeeeeee's Kainy.  
  
Umah: Heeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeerrrrrrrrrrreeeeeeee's Umy.  
  
SRRaz: Heeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeerrrrrrrrrrreeeeeeee's Razzy.  
  
Vraz: Heeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeerrrrrrrrrrreeeeeeee's Razzy.  
  
Turel: Heeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeerrrrrrrrrrreeeeeeee's Tury.  
  
Dumah: Heeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeerrrrrrrrrrreeeeeeee's Dumy.  
  
Rahab: Heeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeerrrrrrrrrrreeeeeeee's Rahaby.  
  
Dumah: Here's Rahaby?  
  
Rahab: F-ck off.  
  
Zephon: Heeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeerrrrrrrrrrreeeeeeee's Zephy. (not in any way related to Sephiroth, who the author don't know anything about)  
  
Melchiah: Heeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeerrrrrrrrrrreeeeeeee's Melly.  
  
Dumah: Smelly more like it.  
  
Melchiah: Hey, don't be mean.  
  
Magnus: Heeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeerrrrrrrrrrreeeeeeee's MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT.  
  
Umah: Yes, in the kitchen.  
  
Magnus: GIVE ME MEAT, GIVE ME FOOD, I'LL NEVER BE GONE FOR GOOD.  
  
Kain: What?  
  
Turel: He's ripping off "Fuel".  
  
Ariel: Heeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeerrrrrrrrrrreeeeeeee's Airy.  
  
Mortanius: Heeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeerrrrrrrrrrreeeeeeee's Morty.  
  
Moebius: Heeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeerrrrrrrrrrreeeeeeee's Moby.  
  
Sebastian: Heeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeerrrrrrrrrrreeeeeeee's Sebby.  
  
Faustus: Heeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeerrrrrrrrrrreeeeeeee's Fausty.  
  
Marcus: Heeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeerrrrrrrrrrreeeeeeee's Marcy.  
  
Kain: Hehe, your name is Marcy.  
  
Marcus: No, I was going along with the crowd.  
  
Concept: Herd conformity!  
  
Kain: Concept, no one is going to understand that- ahem- "joke". (insert snort and sarcastic nodding here)  
  
Corey: Heeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeerrrrrrrrrrreeeeeeee's Corey.  
  
Kain: What the hell are you doing here?  
  
Corey: Oh, sorry. Clatuu Verata Nictuu. (dissappears)  
  
Kain: 0_o okay. Are everybody here?  
  
All (minus Kain): Yep.  
  
Kain: Wow, synchronic. All right, everybody find a room.  
  
Dumah/Turel: Dibs on room 666.  
  
Moebius: I'm older than you. Besides, I heard that my replica is living in there. (Runs off)  
  
Kain: Kids, I forbide you to enter room 666.  
  
Dumah/Turel: O_0 All right. We won't enter it.  
  
Vorador: Heeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeerrrrrrrrrrreeeeeeee's Vorry.  
  
Janos: Heeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeerrrrrrrrrrreeeeeeee's Janny.  
  
Vorador: Janny?  
  
Janos: *shrugs*  
  
Everybody goes off to their respective rooms. In Zephon and Melchiah's room.  
  
Zephon: Well, what are we gonna do now?  
  
Melchiah: I brought all the episodes of Dragon ball z. Wanna watch it?  
  
Zephon: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!  
  
Melchiah: Oh come on, it's not so bad.  
  
Zephon: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!  
  
In Kain and Umah's room.  
  
Kain: That kid has better stop screaming if he don't want to take a swim in the sewers.  
  
Umah: Kain, why are you so mean to our kids?  
  
Kain: Tough luck. No, tough love. Yeah, that's the word.  
  
Umah (skeptic): Really?  
  
Kain: Yeah. Now, how about you and me git da freak on, baybey.  
  
Umah: Kain, if you want me to do something, you are gonna stop using that black steretypic talking.  
  
Kain: Sorry honey.  
  
Okay, this situation is getting a little tense. Magnus and Rahab's room.  
  
Magnus: ARE YOU A FISH? COULD I EAT YOU LEG?  
  
Rahab: NO! Gee, why does my assdad do this to me? I thought he would be proud of my knowledge. But nooo cookie.  
  
Magnus: KILL 'EM ALL!  
  
Rahab: I can tell Concept is listening to Metallica again.  
  
Magnus: I HAVE BEEN ON A LOAD OF JUSTICE FOR ALL, WHILE I CREATED A COMPANY THAT WAS CALLED GARACE INC. WHERE WE WORSHIPPED SAINT ANGER AND TALKED ABOUT S & M, BUT WHEN I WANTED TO RIDE THE LIGHTENING I FOUND OUT I COULD NOT RELODAD MY BLACK GUN THOUGH I WANTED TO SHOOT THE MASTER OF PUPPETS.  
  
Rahab: He really needs to stop doing that. It's horrible.  
  
In Vampire and soul reaver Raziel's room.  
  
SRRaz: Why can't they just shut up in there? It's really annoying, especially all those stupid references to Metallica. When is Concept gonna learn that it stinks?  
  
Vraz: Never, likely.  
  
SRRaz: Uhh, yeah. I mean, it's not even funny. It just plain stinks.  
  
Dumah/Turel'r room.  
  
Dumah: Wanna prank the others?  
  
Turel: How?  
  
Dumah: We could blow up the refrigerator.  
  
Turel: That sure took Concept a lot of time to think of.  
  
Dumah: Yeah, well you know Concept: Dumb as a door and twice as stupid.  
  
Turel: Well, you don't appear to be the sharpest knife in the drawer.  
  
In the lobby. A chandelier comes crashing down.  
  
Sebastian: That was bleeding funny.  
  
Faustus (in stereotypical english accent): 'Ats bloody true, mate.  
  
Marcus: I don't like that punk kid of Kain's. He is capable of the Dimming, too.  
  
Sebastian: Don't you mean the shining?  
  
Faustus: Quiet, mate. Are you trying to get us sued?  
  
Mortanius and Ariel's room.  
  
Mortanius: Checkmate.  
  
Ariel: I want a rematch.  
  
Mortanius: That's the tenth time in a row. Let's play russian roulette instead.  
  
The gun goes off against Ariel.  
  
Ariel: I DECLARE A REMATCH.  
  
Mortanius: You just shot yourself. How can you request a rematch?  
  
Ariel: By being dead already. All right, I'll take you up on a bet. We take a rematch. If you shoot yourself, you will give me my legs back and restore my face.  
  
Mortanius: And if you lose?  
  
Ariel: What about if I lose?  
  
Mortanius: What are you gonna give me? A skullf-  
  
Ariel: Finish that sentence and I will destroy you utterly. No, you can get a date with this goth girl I know. If you win, you'll get her number. She's a big fan of you.  
  
Mortanius: Okay, sounds fair. (he shoots and the gun goes off.) Okay, I'll restore you to your former looks.  
  
Ariel: Can you give me some better clothing than these rags?  
  
Morty: Sure. Hey, why the hell have Concept stopped calling me Mortanius?  
  
Concept: Morty is shorter.  
  
Morty: Grr. Well Ariel, here we go (transform Ariel)  
  
********************************************************************  
  
Hmm, I think it takes a long time to write 7 to 8 pages. Perhaps I shouldn't write it in one go. Oh well.  
  
Again, 5 reviews. 


	3. it's hopeless

Disclaimer: You all know the words, now sing along: concept own nothing that appears in this story. And no, his name is not Lorry. (stupid sung, I suck at rhyming.)  
  
Kudos:  
  
Wow, 6 reviews.  
  
MortalSora: Yeah, well that was sorta the point. And yes, Magnus is the funniest character ever. Maybe not in this story, but that's just cause I'm stupid.  
  
MikotoTribal: For a minute I thought you were flaming me. Then I read the rest of your review and thought otherwise. Have you noticed how my stories have spiraled from pretty decent into a hopeless abyss of perverted jokes? And if I was gonna get banned, I probably would be by now.  
  
Dark-Sephy: Haven't you ever seen someone make fun of Cockney english people? That was how it was supposed to be.  
  
Kaya De Crystalline: Glad you liked it. Heheh, shining-ness.  
  
sylvanon the wolf gurl: Would you like an update?  
  
OrpheumZero: What's apparations? Quote: why not have Kain try several rooms before he finds the right one? End Quote. Damn, you figured out what I was gonna do. Bad Orpheum, bad. No food for a week. No, that's cruel. Thanks for the ideas, by the way.  
  
Yay-ness, I updated again. Wow-ness. Read with caution. ********************************************************************  
  
Kain: Oh, come on, Umah. You just have to.  
  
Umah: I'll be damned if I'm gonna wear those Mickey Mouse ears. There is just no way in hell, that's gonna happen. You sleep on the couch tonight.  
  
Kain: Oh, come on, the lobby's creepy by night.  
  
Umah: Should have thought of that before you went on about those Mickey Mouse ears.  
  
Kain: But.  
  
Umah: Butt? You bleeding pervert! Get down there.  
  
Kain: But.  
  
Umah: NOW!!  
  
Kain: Make me.  
  
So anyway, once Kain got rid of his wheel chair, he was ready to move around on his legs again.  
  
Kain: I'll get you for that, Umah.  
  
Vorador: You're gonna hurt your wife? No way in hell am I going to allow that.  
  
Vorador jumps at Kain and starts pummeling him. Kain retaliates by kicking Vorador in his kidney. Vorador kicks Kain hard in the gut and sends him flying into a wall. He then pulls an "Agent Smith" on Kain (Several punches, very fast). Kain headbutts Vorador into the other end of the room and pulls an "Agent Smith" on him. Vorador spins around with a circle kick. Kain roundhouses him (and for some strange reason I have chosed to include it even though I don't know what it is). Vorador berserks Kain. Kain immolates Vorador. After Vorador recovered, he jumps up in the air and kicks Kain. Kain gives Vorador an uppercut, sending him up in a chandelier.  
  
Ariel (to Raziel): What are they doing?  
  
SRRaziel: Oh, they are just having a fight over weather Kain gets to beat up Umah. (looks at Ariel and gasps)  
  
Ariel is truely beautiful. Her face is symmetric, she has nicely shaped . eerr eyes. Her legs are . leggy. (?) Okay. Well, let's just say Raziel is a happy smurf.  
  
Ariel: What are you looking at?  
  
SRRaziel: You're even prettier than before.  
  
Ariel: So I was ugly before?  
  
SRRaziel: Nono. Though I thought it was impossible, you have become even more beautiful. Thy beauty is astounding, my lady.  
  
Ariel: Too late. Time for another trip to "The Box".  
  
SRRaziel: No, not the box. Not the box. NOT THE BOX.  
  
Ariel: Too late.  
  
SRRaziel: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO.  
  
VRaziel: I'm not looking forward to being him.  
  
Dumah: Don't date Ariel, then.  
  
Vorador: I wonder if she's substantial now.  
  
Turel: Hey, he's being perverted again.  
  
Dumah knocks Vorador hard in the crotch.  
  
Moebius walks in. He's having a bottle with a white substance in it.  
  
Moebius: Got milk?  
  
Even Vorador runs off to puke. Okay, that scene is just wrong. 5000000000 black demons will ow pound the everliving snot out of Moebius.  
  
Morty: Moeby, if you ever do that again, I will summon every creature that can scare the shit out of you to do said job.  
  
Moebius: Actually, it's not mine. It's my replica.  
  
Kain: See, kids, I told you not to enter room 666.  
  
Dumah: Thank you dad.  
  
Turel: We are forever grateful.  
  
They're not even being sarcastic.  
  
Moebius: Oh, but they're welcome.  
  
Kain: All right, that's it. You're going into the fire place.  
  
Moebius is shoved into the fireplace.  
  
Kain: Burn, baby, burn. Oh damn, I just called Mo-butt baby.  
  
Zephon: Just for that, I'm gonna make ya burn. (shoves Kain into the fireplace)  
  
Kain: IT BUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUURRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR RNS!  
  
VRaz: Like a mother?  
  
Kain: yeah, like a . hey, no ripping off Sephiroth-02-01!  
  
******************************************************************** And that's the end of that chapter. What? It is. Don't believe me? Then read on. See if I care.  
  
********************************************************************  
  
SRRaz: Somebody help me!  
  
Magnus hears this.  
  
Magnus: WHAT HAPPENED TO BLUE SMURF BOY WITH NO BALLS?  
  
SRRaz: Hey, no pointing out facts.  
  
Magnus: DON'T LIKE REALITY? YOU SUCK!  
  
SRRAz: Well, are you gonna let me out?  
  
Magnus: LETMETHINKNO!  
  
SRRaz: Damn.  
  
Magnus walks out. In walks Zephon.  
  
Zephon: Need any help, brother? I could help you out. If you help me take over the world.  
  
SRRaz: How am I supposed to help you out with that?  
  
Zephon: Well, in that case I'll just help you. NOT! HAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHA! (walks out)  
  
SRRaz: Coises. Foiled again.  
  
Raziel hears some footsteps.  
  
SRRaz: Three times is a charm.  
  
Moebius: Well well well. If it isn't little mr. I'll-make-many-paradoxes- just-to-irritate-Moebius. You are in it now. Aren't you gonna tell me you're gonna do anything for me to let you out?  
  
SRRaz: Not you. I think I know excactly what your wish is.  
  
Moebius: I'll be gentle.  
  
SRRaz: o_0 CONCEPT!  
  
Concept: What?  
  
SRRaz: Can't you do something about Moebius? He's being .  
  
Concept: Well?  
  
SRRaz: He's being himself again.  
  
5000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000 0000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000 0000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000 00000000000000 black demons appears to pound on Moebius.  
  
Moebius: Oh-uh, spaghettio.  
  
Kain walks in instead.  
  
Kain: What the hell are you doing in that cage, kiddo?  
  
SRRaz: Ariel locked me up here.  
  
Kain: You should end that relationship.  
  
SRRaz: But she's so hooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooot!  
  
Ariel: Why thank you Raziel. You can get out of the box now. But you are going inside, Kain.  
  
Kain: There's no chance in hell I'll do that.  
  
Ariel: In that case, let's fight.  
  
Kain punches for Ariel's face, but she steps to the side, grabs his arm and throws him into the cage. He's ramming through it so fast he goes right through. He gets up from the rubble and kicks for her stomach. She jumps up (Matrix style) and kicks him sideways. He charges her, but she evades. He jumps for her again and goes flying over her. She kicks upwards just as his crotch is above her legs. Kain slumps to the ground, twitches a little, then slowly gets back up. He tries to flay her, but she runs out of the way of it and blasts it into oblivion. And yes, I am ripping off DBZ again. Even though I should stop it.  
  
Kain: Well, in that case, Ka-me-ha-me-ha.  
  
Ariel: Final Flash.  
  
SRRaz: Stop it, Concept.  
  
Concept: There's no stopping the workings of a madman.  
  
SRRaz: Stupidman more like it.  
  
Concept: OI!  
  
SRRaz: Sorry. (is hit by a stray blast) OUCHIES.  
  
Kain: Sorry. Ka-me.  
  
Ariel: Final.  
  
Kain: Ha-me.  
  
Ariel: Flash.  
  
Kain: Ha!  
  
The two blasts hit each other and blows up in a spectacular style. Thankfully, the hotel is not hurt at all.  
  
Kain/Ariel: Why not?  
  
They make me pay for all the damage you asses do.  
  
Kain: I see.  
  
Ariel: You cannot harm me. I am god-like.  
  
Oh, shit. SHE'S GONE OMNIPOTENT. RUN FOR IT!  
  
Kain then knocks her out.  
  
Kain: That was easy enough.  
  
VRaz: I predict a fight between Ariel and Concept.  
  
SRRaz: A war of gods.  
  
Umah: And goddesses.  
  
Kain: Damnit, this is so stupid. Why can't Concept write good stories?  
  
Vorador: You just insulted the author. That is the stupidest thing someone can do. You are so gonna get it.  
  
Kain: Well, he can just bring it on.  
  
Concept: Okay.  
  
Kain: AAHH! Shit. I didn't mean it.  
  
Concept: Too bad. BIG BANG ATTACK!  
  
???: All right. That's enough DBZ references for today, Concept.  
  
Concept: But I had to knock out Kain.  
  
???: No more references for today.  
  
Concept: Good thing I managed to knock him out before you got in here, Christina.  
  
Kain: Christina? Isn't that the girl who wanted to rape ya in your previous humour (insert snort and so on) story?  
  
Concept: Yep.  
  
Christina pulls Concept away from his keyboard, so he can't type anymore.  
  
********************************************************************  
  
Well, guess what: 5 reviews. And constructive critiscism if somethings wrong. 


	4. A filler episode

Disclaimer: (singing) Concept doesn't own a thing and he also cannot sing.  
  
Kudos:  
  
sylvanon the wolf gurl: Thanks for the offer but it won't be nescescary. I'll handle it.  
  
OrpheumZero: Is that supposed to be a threat? I wouldn't mind 1000 clones of her, but then again, that's because I'm perverted. And yes, I heard about Janos being evil and all.  
  
Mortalsora: There's nothing wrong with this fic, it's just that I like to make fun of myself. And you try fighting Ariel. I'm the only one who can keep her in line.  
  
MikotoTribal1: That's why I should always read the full review. Zephon will probably take over the world eventually, but not in this fic.  
  
Lunatic Pandora1: Could you be a bit more specific?  
  
Dark-Sephy: Yup. I'm glad you liked it.  
  
A/N: Allright, people, I started writing as I go again. (disclaimer first, then kudos, then A/N, then story, then finishing A/N)  
  
Darth Vader: You're an ass.  
  
Darth Vader gets zapped for that comment.  
  
Murray: None are more scary than me.  
  
And no one talks worse than you, either.  
  
Murray: You're mean.  
  
I don't care. Ya know, this is changed. The original draft was more criticism of society, so I changed it. This story is supposed to be funny, not critizising of things. Damn, this chapter isn't funny.  
  
********************************************************************  
  
Kain is walking in a hallway. He walks by a door. The door opens. Out jumps Hash.  
  
Hash: Do you know you could feed 500 people with the grain used to feed one cow? Being a member of PETA has given me such a delightful insight to things.  
  
Kain: So?  
  
Hash: Innocent animals are being slaughtered ruthlessly to feed you.  
  
Kain: Uhh, I drink blood.  
  
Hash: Why should animals suffer? We can all eat vegetables and no animals would be hurt.  
  
Kain: Hash, what the hell is wrong with you? If you don't like meat, fine. But do not tell people that they shouldn't either, because if you do, you suck.  
  
Hash: animals are suffering to feed you and you don't care?  
  
Kain: What about all the animals killed during harvesting season to feed YOU?  
  
Hash: Uhh. We are not killing intentionally.  
  
Kain: Well, by that logic, why not let drunk drivers who killed someone off the hook? That is unintentionally, too.  
  
Hash: Uhh, DIE! (Runs for Kain with a chainsaw. Wow, it sure was a long time ago that I mentioned those.)  
  
Kain: AAAAAAHHHHH!!! (runs for it)  
  
He runs on. Out of another door comes Umah. She punches Kain in the arm. Kain punches back. Umah is shocked.  
  
Umah: How could you just hit me like that, Kain? Do you hit ladies? You weakling.  
  
Kain: Call it self-defence.  
  
Umah: It's domestic violence!  
  
Kain: WHAT? You punched me, isn't that domestic violence?  
  
Umah: No. Women are equal to men. We deserve to be treated so.  
  
Kain: and if a man hits another man, the man is allowed to hit back. It's the way it works, Umah.  
  
Umah: But I'm a woman.  
  
Kain: Then why do you want to be treated like a man?  
  
Umah: I deserve respect.  
  
Kain: If you punch me, I punch back, it's the way of things.  
  
Umah: I intend to change that.  
  
Kain: So you can punch me, but I can't punch you?  
  
Umah: Yep.  
  
Kain: DIE! (tries to kill Umah horribly, but she pulls out a sledgehammer)  
  
Umah: We'll see if you punch back, once you are knocked out.  
  
Umah beats the shit out of Kain. He can barely walk, when suddenly, Janos flies in and knocks out Umah.  
  
Kain: Thanks Janos.  
  
Janos: I want to talk to you about something, Kain. Parents are bad to their kids, but Concept still blames the kid if they kill, rape, steal or something else. But if parents don't treat their kids well, the kids will do something bad.  
  
Kain: Screw that. The kids are still the ones doing the crap.  
  
Janos: They were treated badly by their parents, Kain.  
  
Kain: And innocents have to suffer for that?  
  
Janos: No, but the kids are just as innocent.  
  
Kain: Bull. They are the ones killing, not their parents.  
  
Janos: Kain, if a child doesn't get love, it will die.  
  
Kain: No, it might go crazy, but then we'll just end it's suffering.  
  
Janos: Kids aren't animals, Kain.  
  
Kain: No, animals don't kill others because they feel neglected.  
  
Janos: That's because we can think, Kain.  
  
Kain: Janos, your arguments doesn't work with me. You are no different than people claiming that TV, music, and games are destroying todays youth. Just because you blame the parents doesn't mean that the child shouldn't be taking it's responsibilities. It's still the kid doing stupid things.  
  
Janos: But.  
  
Kain: ENOUGH! I'm so sick of people who think it's never the one who commited a crime who's to blame. It's the kids fault.  
  
Janos: We'll see about that (Kicks Kain's ass)  
  
Kain: Okay, you are right, Janos. So I guess you kicked my ass because of your parents treating you badly.  
  
Janos: No, it's frustration caused by the fact that Raziel tore out my heart.  
  
Kain: Don't you think he was treated badly by his parents?  
  
Janos: I don't care. He's still the one who did it.  
  
Kain: uhh.  
  
Janos: Shut up, Kain. You don't know what you're talking about.  
  
Kain walks out. Mortanius is the one to jump out this time.  
  
Mortanius: We must have democracy in Nosgoth or we will decline.  
  
Kain: And what's so special about democracy?  
  
Morty: You get freedom of speech, you can do what you want to do, you have equal rights for everybody, majority decides what is good.  
  
Kain: Let me guess, there's censorship.  
  
Morty: There's some things that shouldn't be said.  
  
Kain: Why claim that you can say what you want to if no one's allowed to hear it? Am I allowed to kill in a democracy?  
  
Morty: No, of course you're not allowed to kill.  
  
Kain: Why does everybody have equal rights? Killers shouldn't have the same rights as others. Rapists shouldn't have the same right as others.  
  
Morty: Everybody deserves a fair treatment.  
  
Kain: As opposed to the way they treated their victims? Majority shouldn't decide what's good or not.  
  
Morty: Over half of the number can't be wrong.  
  
Kain: So it's peer pressure on a larger scale.  
  
Morty: That's square thinking, Kain.  
  
Kain: No, it's brilliant thinking.  
  
Morty: Uhh. (transforms into a huge skeleton with chainsaws for fingers.) ROOOOOOAAAARR!!!!!  
  
Kain: I'm doomed now.  
  
Mortanius is getting near, and the chainsaws are roaring. ******************************************************************** Kain wakes up, sweaty.  
  
Kain: IT BUUUUURNS! Wow, I need a drink.  
  
Kain walks down to the bar. There's the sound of partying coming from it. Kain walks in. Sure enough, there's a party.  
  
Kain: Uhh, why is there a party?  
  
OrpheumZero: Who cares? What you should be concerned with is that there is a party and why you aren't enjoying it.  
  
MortalSora: Yeah, I thought you were a party animal, Kain.  
  
Kain: I am.  
  
Dark-sephy: Then you should get partying. Go buy yourself a drink.  
  
Kain: Concept better not be the bartender.  
  
Psycho-Virus83: What can I get ya?  
  
Kain: A blood Mary.  
  
Psycho-Virus83: Here ya go.  
  
So Kain parties through the night. Suddenly, he's doing the limbo with people such as MikotoTribal, sylvanon the wolf gurl and Kaya De Crystalline.  
  
Sylva: How low can ya go.  
  
Kain does a Matrix move and goes down under the limbo bar.  
  
Orpheum: That's the way it's supposed to be done.  
  
Kain is hanging out with some people in a corner.  
  
Popeland: so Kain, how's the crazyness coming?  
  
Kain: Well, I just had a dream were I had my ass kicked alot. Not that I'm unhappy with it, but why isn't COAD at the party?  
  
MortalSora: He's gone lazy. He doesn't even write his full name anymore.  
  
Popeland: He's talking to the big man right now.  
  
Kain: God?  
  
OrpheumZero: No, he doesn't believe in god.  
  
Kain: Then who is the big man?  
  
MortalSora: No one knows. Not even COAD. It's a random plot twist for now.  
  
Kain: Knowing his imagination, it will probably never be explained.  
  
MikotoTribal: That's probably true.  
  
Kain: Hey, why is Psycho-Virus83 included in this story? She hasn't reviewed it yet.  
  
MikotoTribal: COAD assumes that she hasn't read the story yet. Or that she didn't like it, but wouldn't flame it, either. Besides, he is throwing people in again at random.  
  
Kain: But they have to have reviewed the story?  
  
Orpheumzero: Yep.  
  
MortalSora: Mostly.  
  
COAD walks down from a staircase.  
  
Concept: I figured out who I was talking to.  
  
MikotoTribal: Who was it?  
  
Concept: Satan. I swear, he has to stop talking like a hiphopper or I'll never understand him. "What up, dawg. Hows its chilling, bro." I swear, the next time he calls me "dawg".  
  
Psycho-Virus83: Hey Concept, the usual?  
  
Concept: Yep.  
  
Psycho-Virus83 tosses me a mix between many drinks.  
  
Concept: Ahh, that's the stuff.  
  
Kain: So Concept, why was my dream so odd?  
  
Concept: That happens everytime I talk to Satan.  
  
Kain: Ahh.  
  
OrpheumZero: Well, Kain, the party's about to end. But we're holding one tomorrow. Wanna come?  
  
Kain: Yep. I sure am hungry.  
  
MortalSora: You can drink from the elevator's blood.  
  
Kain: Okay. (walks out to the elevator after having said goodbye to everyone.)  
  
Kain: Nahh, maybe tommorow.  
  
******************************************************************** Hey hey, (page 8) that wasn't so bad, was it? It was? Damn you. What are you saying? "you suck"? Well, in that case, no food for a week. We can consider this a filler episode. I don't know if this was very funny, but you are just gonna have to tell me if it is or not. And yes, 5 reviews. Or more if you have something to say. And constructive critiscism if it's nescescary.  
  
COAD. 


	5. It get's better

Disclaimer (still singing): Concept doesn't own a thing, and he definitely can't sing.  
  
Kudos:  
  
MikotoTribal: Yep, Kain was badass in that dream.  
  
sylvanon the wolf gurl: You have to finish it! Then you'll be saved.  
  
A/N: Alright, people, last chapter was bad. Very bad. Bad Concept of a demon. It's only redeeming features were appearences (inspired by a request from OrpheumZero). Therefore, this chapter is out, earlier than usual. It's not because I got 5 reviews. I have to punish myself, so I don't make another chapter like that. If I do that again, you have to flame me. I tried to edit it to make it more funny, but if you ask me, it wasn't. Therefore, you get this chapter early. I hope you're still reading it.  
  
********************************************************************  
  
Okay, last chapter sucked donkey d.ck. It was useless, Kain said. Why can't Concept write good stories?  
  
Who cares?, Vorador said. Let's make out!  
  
Okay, Kain said, as Vorador leaned over to kiss him.  
  
************************************************************************** AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH HHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!! YUCK!  
  
Kain's screaming was heard all over the hotel as he awoke from the nightmare. Vorador walked in, yawning.  
  
Keep quiet, damnit, Vorador said.  
  
GET OUT! OUT! Kain yelled.  
  
What's the matter, Kain? Umah asked, once Vorador got his green ass out.  
  
I had a yaoi dream again, Kain said. It was Vorador this time.  
  
You have to admit, it's better than Moebius, Umah said.  
  
Hell yeah, but still horrible, he answered. He was not in the mood for yaoi dreams, but they had been haunting him for a month now. He looked at the clock. 3 AM. That was too early for the vampire lord. He needed more sleep, but he knew he would be yaoized in his dreams again. The only one that he hadn't dreamed of was Hash, but he knew it wouldn't be long before he did. Despite Kains protests ("I'll be damned if I'm gonna sleep when I'm haunted by those kind of dreaming) he fell asleep again. And alas, it WAS in fact Hash.  
  
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH HHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!! YUCK! Kain screamed for the second time this night. He looked at the clock again. 7 AM. He'd might as well get some work done.  
  
*  
  
Raziel heard a distant scream that woke him up. He looked at the clock. 3 AM. Once Raziel woke up, he couldn't fall asleep again. He looked at Ariel. He had moved in with her, instead of living with his Dimming replica. And life had been good for Raziel lately. Very good. He wished he hadn't lost his- err.- blue banana. Not that he didn't like the way things were now, but things could always get better. He really loved Ariel. She was actually a very sweet girl when she wasn't angry. But when she was, she would go Demi-god-mode, and then it would be wisest to run. He started to walk downstairs, when suddenly, he tripped. He looked at what had made him fall.  
  
What the hell? Raziel said out loud. Sitting in front of him was, a chibi version of the would-be-takeoverworlder, Zephon.  
  
HI! Zephon exclaimed. Raziel adjusted his eyes. The chibi Zephon was still sitting there. Suddenly, the sound of wings flapping was heard above them.  
  
WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE! The young version of the vampiric Raziel was flying around like the gremlin with wings. He went crashing through a wall, and Batman appeared.  
  
Did my logo just show? He asked. Raziel told him that it hadn't. Batman pointed to the wall, but Raziel managed to convince him that it was his "little brother" who wasn't good at flying. Despite the perfect bat symbol on the wall, Batman decided that the blue weirdo was right. Raziel decided to cook breakfast for Ariel and him. Raziel didn't eat any other thing than souls, but Ariel could eat like you wouldn't believe. And then she would belch loudly. Oh yes, Raziel was in love. And for some reason, Ariel wouldn't gain weight. Perhaps it had something to do with the fact that she was a ghost, or perhaps she was a sayajin (bet you wondered what happened to the DBZ references, huh). It took a long time to make all the food that Ariel would eat. After hearing Kain scream for the second time at 7 AM, Raziel was almost done, when suddenly, the voice of 6 youngsters running around screaming was heard. (A/N: Why can't small kids just shut the hell up when running? That's one of the reasons I hate kids)  
  
SHUT UP, DAMNIT! Raziel screamed at them. I CAN'T HEAR MY OWN THOUGHTS, SO KEEP QUIET! The kids quivered. They started crying softly.  
  
That doesn't work at me, you little punks.  
  
I'm telling Mommy, the little Melchiah said.  
  
Tell this, Raziel said as he prepared the reaver. The kids backed up in fear. It's obvious that you are annoying little brats, and if I wasn't somewhat like COAD right now, I'd probably blame Kain and Umah for this. But if it's them being bad parents, perhaps I should leave you with the responsibility to make Ariel's food. And you know how she gets when she doesn't get her food. The kids shuddered. Not bringing Ariel her food wasn't a good idea. Raziel remembered the last time he hadn't made her food in defiance of her. He had to spend 4 years in "the box". When he came out, he wasn't very stable. He had to get therapy by Janos.  
  
But we can't cook, Dumah said.  
  
Then stop pestering me, Raziel harshly told them. I liked them a lot better when they were older, Raziel mused to himself. He didn't like the current version. Then again, he didn't really like kids, so that might have had something to do with it.  
  
*  
  
Kain was out chopping wood. The oven had gone bad when Moebius inserted a bottle of "milk" in it. Not that Kain would cook food in it now, but he'd rather use an oven than the fireplace. He really had a bad month. On his way out, the chandelier fell down in his head. And Melchiah had forgotten his skateboard on the staircase. Kain secretly thank the one who made vampires capable of healing themselves, or his neck would be permanently broken. Would make it hard to, uh, play doctor with Umah. His healing ability was necessary again, when he had to get the axe. SOMEONE had stolen the light bulb and Kain had gone down the stairs instinctually, but without light, he fell with a tremendous scream. Waked Hash up with a split personality. Sometimes he would think he was Ash from Evil dead, sometimes he would think he was someone who had won Pop stars. This would make him beat himself up. Of course there was also the normal Hash version. Kain would have used the chainsaw, but since Hash sometimes thought he was Ash, he would use it as punishment for his Pop stars personality. Now, the only problem was that Hash had some very strong skin and the chainsaw wasn't supposed to cut material that's harder than the best steel in the universe. Kain would have gone down to the town and buy a new chainsaw but the bus was ruined. A big yellow demon mechanic with the name Glottis had tinkered with it, making it extremely fast. So Kain couldn't control it and crashed into a tree. Kain, being the irresponsible ass that he is, blamed it on Glottis, despite the warning he gave Kain. Kain thought of suing Glottis, but then he remembered that Concept of a demon had made it impossible for stupid people to sue. No, this isn't true in real life, but in the story it is. So Kain had had a pretty lousy month. And his dreaming didn't make it any better. Also, Umah had forced Kain to cut those damn hedge animals. Not only did he have to wade through snow to get to them, burning his legs badly in the process, but also he thought he saw them move sometimes.  
  
Don't you think you should get those freaky animals trimmed before snowfall, Kain, Vorador said. Kain hadn't noticed him coming out the door, and he didn't like Vorador's presence there. Then he saw it. Another "milk" bottle.  
  
What are you gonna do with that? Kain asked Vorador.  
  
I'd use it as a way to prevent those hedgeanimals from growing out again, Kain, Vorador answered him. Kain was repulsed at this.  
  
******************************************************************** Alright, wasn't that nice and intelligent? I'm gonna write it normally now. This is only page 4. ********************************************************************  
  
Kain: Vorador, if you could please jump in the fireplace, I'd be glad.  
  
Vorador: You'd rather cut those hedgeanimals once every week?  
  
Kain: You're right. It feels as bad as having theatre lessons in school. (A/N: ^_^ that's me)  
  
Vorador: So how do you feel about your kids going chibi?  
  
Kain: WHAT?  
  
Vorador: Haven't you seen it yet?  
  
Kain: NO, DAMNIT! Damn, I have to check this out.  
  
Kain runs inside. He sees that his kids are chibis, indeed. Well, except for SRRaz.  
  
Kain: What the hell is going on?  
  
SRRaz: I don't know, Kain. When I woke up, they were like this.  
  
Kain: Damn, they are bad enough as teenagers. Now I gotta deal with them as kids?  
  
Suddenly, chibi-Melchiah, chibi-Zephon, chibi-Rahab, chibi-Dumah, chibi- Turel and chibi-Raziel becomes teenagers again.  
  
Kain: WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON? Rahab, you always know alot of shit, why were you chibis?  
  
Rahab: I don't know and I don't care. Turel, does your computer still work?  
  
Turel: Yeah, why?  
  
Rahab: Let's check out some hentai sites.  
  
Turel: Okay.  
  
All the "kids" runs off.  
  
Kain: o_0. Oh well, at least he's a decent teenager now.  
  
Kain walks off. He needs to make Vorador cook for evening. He expects to find him in the bedroom. And he does. The only problem is, Vorador is asleep. And hey, you know Vorador. His dreams are, dodgy.  
  
Vorador: that's right Umah, do that. Looking good, Ariel. Yes Dejoule, you are welcome, too.  
  
Kain: VORADOR!  
  
Vorador: I'm up, mom, I'm up. It wasn't. oh, it's you. Damn you, Kain, you ruined my dream. And it was so good. You are gonna pay for this, Kain. The standard way.  
  
Kain: No, dear God, not that, NOT THAT!  
  
Vorador: YOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOU'RE HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEERRRRRRRRRE, THERE'S NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOTHING IIIIII FEAR, AND I KNOW, THAT MY HEART WILL GO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOON.  
  
Kain (weakly): Please, no more.  
  
Vorador: COOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOME WITH ME AND I WILL LET YOU GO.  
  
Kain: No. More. I can't. Take. It.  
  
Vorador: I AM BEAUTIFUL, NO MATTER WHAT THEY SAY.  
  
Kain: Vorador, if there's any shred of humanity left in you, you will stop.  
  
Vorador: LET THE SUN NEVER BLIND YOUR EYES, LET ME SLEEP SO MY TEETH WON'T GRIND, HEAR A SOUND FROM THE VOICE INSIDE.  
  
Kain: Hey, cool, Alice in Chains. Vorador, it's your turn to cook.  
  
Vorador: Hey, I did it last time.  
  
Kain: Yeah, but I traded my desert for you to cook again.  
  
Vorador: But it wasn't any good.  
  
Kain: Too bad. You shouldn't have sold your turn to me, then.  
  
Vorador: Damn. Oh well, IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII'M THE MAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAN IN THE BOX, BURIED IN MY SHIT, WOOOOOOOOOOOON'T YOU COOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOME AND SAVE ME, SAVE ME. FEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEED MY EYES, CAN YOU SEW THEM SHUT, JEEEEEEEEEEESUS CHRIST, DENY YOUR MAKER, HE WHO TRIES, WILL BE WASTED.  
  
Kain: Ya know, Vorador, singing good songs isn't a punishment for me.  
  
Vorador: IT'S MY WAY, MY WAY OR THE HIGHWAY, THIS TIME I'MA LET IT ALL GO LOUD, THIS TIME I'MA STAND UP AND SHOUT, IT'S MY WAY, MY WAY OR THE HIGHWAY!  
  
Kain: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRHHHHHHHHHH.  
  
Magnus: WHY ARE EVERYONE SCREAMING, LONG HAIRED ONE? CAN I GNAW AT YOUR ARM?  
  
Kain: Vorador is singing songs again, and no you can't.  
  
Magnus: I WILL JUST GNAW AT GREEN ONE'S ARM.  
  
Vorador: IN THE NAME, OF LOVE, WHAT MORE, IN THE NAME OF LOVE.  
  
Kain: I don't know if anyone's gonna think that's a bad song, Vorador? People might like U2.  
  
Vorador: Yes, but not COAD! IT STARTS WITH, ONE THING, I DON'T KNOW WHY, IT DOESN'T EVEN MATTER HOW HARD YOU TRY, KEEP THAT IN MIND, THAT I DESIGNED THIS RHYME TO REMIND MY SELF (AND, uh, and so on.)  
  
Magnus: NO MORE NU-METAL, GREEN ONE.  
  
Magnus bites Vorador's arm.  
  
Vorador: UNHOLY HELL!  
  
Kain: Heheh, good one, Magnus.  
  
Magnus bites Kain in the leg.  
  
Kain: UNHOLY HELL, TOO!  
  
Magnus punches Kain hard in the gut, making him double over, then slams his fists into Kain's head, knocking him out.  
  
********************************************************************  
  
If anything should be criticised, please do it. 5 or more reviews. And I apologise for the previous chapter. It really was bad. I don't even know why I made it. Remember to flame me if I make another of the kind. I mean it, flame me. I would deserve it.  
  
COAD 


	6. Minime's and morons

Kudos:  
  
Mortalsora: I guess it's not his fault his a dumbass either, huh? Heheh. Well, it did take a lot of time to write intelligent. I probably won't do it again.  
  
Dark-sephy: Hmm, if you found ch 4 funny, we must have very different taste in humour. Oh well. Glad you liked the chibi part.  
  
Sylvanon the wolf gurl: Uhh, congratulations, but you forgot to tell me what you think of the story.  
  
A/N: Wow, people actually liked ch 4. Guess I won't be getting flames because of it, then. Onwards with the story. ******************************************************************  
  
Melchiah is sitting at the kitchen table alone. He's eating chocolate cookies. He is covered in chocolate. (hey, he's a kid, they can't eat properly)  
  
Dumah: A bit hateful, are we, COAD?  
  
COAD: Shut up, Dumah, you dumbass. (I hope Space Toaster doesn't read that.) And besides, Melchiah is alone in the kitchen.  
  
Dumah: But you are here too. How's that better than me?  
  
COAD: I came here to get you out of the kitchen. I had a good reason.  
  
Dumah: Preaching again?  
  
COAD: Damn, you're right. (Snatches Dumah and walks out.)  
  
Melchiah: I love chocolate cookies, they love me, I wanna marry chocolate cookies.  
  
Kain has just walked into the kitchen and he heard this.  
  
Kain: 0_O. What the hell?  
  
Melchiah: Why are you swearing, dad?  
  
Kain: Mel, you are NOT marrying a cookie.  
  
Melchiah: But they are tasty.  
  
Kain: So are cun- (a million different bladed weapons fall on Kain)  
  
Melchiah: So are what, daddy?  
  
Kain: Nothing, nothing. You are not marrying a cookie, Mel. Besides, wouldn't you be eating it? Not much point in marrying it, then.  
  
Melchiah: But then I can inherit from it.  
  
Kain: What would you inherit- oh, screw this, this conversation is getting stupider by the moment. Is Concept drinking alcohol again?  
  
Concept: Last time I drunk alcohol was when I was ten, and that was an accident.  
  
Kain: Well, what are you drinking now?  
  
Concept: Water.  
  
Kain (gets tense): Really?  
  
Concept: Yeah, so no foul language in front of the kids.  
  
Kain: What do you care? You are a selfish asshole.  
  
Concept: I'll get thrown off ff.net for using the word "c'nt".  
  
Kain: Oh, screw this. I'm leaving.  
  
Melchiah: Where are you going, daddy?  
  
Kain: I'm going shopping in the city down the mountain.  
  
Melchiah: Could you buy some COOKIES, daddy?  
  
Kain: O_0. SOMEONE'S been hanging out with Magnus. (Leaves)  
  
********************************************************************  
  
Rahab is walking in the snow.  
  
Rahab: Theeeeeeeeeeeeeeeere's a bunch of birds in the skyyyyyyyyy, aaaaand some deer's just went running by, oh, the snow's pure and white on the earth rich and brown, just another Sunday morning in my quiet little mountain town.  
  
Randy Jackass: Isn't this a mountain only?  
  
Rahab: Shut up, Jackass.  
  
R.J: Noone loves me. (runs off sulking)  
  
Rahab: What an asshole.  
  
Turel: Oh look at Rahab. Singing his heart out.  
  
Dumah: Stupid asscr4ck!  
  
Rahab: Asscr4ck? Is that a new way of censoring? In l33t?  
  
Turel: Appearently.  
  
Dumah: Anyway, we have to kick your ass, Rahab. I hold his arms, and you punch him, Turel.  
  
Turel: Sounds fair.  
  
Rahab: Uhh, why?  
  
Dumah: Because you were singing.  
  
Vampire Raz arrives.  
  
VRaz: Turel, what is the link for that hentai site?  
  
Turel: I'll show ya, bro.  
  
They run off. Rahab and Dumah looks at each other, then Dumah chases after Rahab. But Rahab is too fast for big and bulky Dumah. Should have focused on speed, huh Dumah?  
  
Dumah (crying): Shut up.  
  
******************************************************************** SRRaz is snuggling with Ariel.  
  
SRRaz: You are so beautiful. I love you.  
  
Ariel: Keep going, underling.  
  
SRRaz: Thine eyes are a beauty for all the land.  
  
Ariel: Hey hey, no need to get poetic.  
  
Suddenly, a smell of brimstones is apparent in the air.  
  
SRRaz: Ariel, did you just let one go?  
  
Ariel: Hell no.  
  
Out of a cloud of the brimstone, comes Satan.  
  
Satan: Yo!  
  
SRRaz: Not this again, seriously. Concept, that joke belongs to Mortalsoratm. Not you.  
  
Satan: What up, dawgs.  
  
Ariel: Shut up, you redneck.  
  
Zephon appears out of nowhere.  
  
Zephon: Come on, that joke ain't funny.  
  
Ariel: DIE, UNDERLING. (hurls a huge fireball at Zephon who is promptly incinerated).  
  
SRRaz: Isn't Mysterious Kat gonna fry Concept's ass for killing Zephon?  
  
Concept: She seems to be missing in action, so I can do whatever I want to Zephon.  
  
Vorador pops in.  
  
Vorador: That sounds kinky.  
  
Everybody in the room: SHUT UP, VORADOR!!!  
  
Vorador: Geez, sorry. Next time, I won't try to lighten the mood.  
  
Satan: That's the shizzness, Dawg.  
  
Vorador: What?  
  
Satan: Shizzle ma nizzle.  
  
Vorador: Uhh, right.  
  
********************************************************************  
  
Down at the city, some of Kain's associates have met up with him.  
  
Random vamp: We thought you were gone for good, lord Kain, so we decided to clone you. Allow me to introduce you to him.  
  
A door opens. A shadow exactly like Kain's is seen on the wall.  
  
R.V: He's exactly the same as you. Only smaller. (Kain looks down and sees a small version of him.)  
  
Kain: Excellent. I shall call him.... Mini-me.  
  
R.V: Isn't that ripping off Austin Powers?  
  
Kain: When was this story anything else than a huge and giant ripoff?  
  
R.V: Uhh, never?  
  
Kain: That's right. We are allowed to do this.  
  
******************************************************************** After Kain has gotten home, the whole bunch is eating at a huge table.  
  
Kain: So Hash, kindly refrain from using the chainsaw to hurt yourself again.  
  
Hash: Would you rather have me singing popsongs?  
  
Kain: Can't you just jump in the pool or something?  
  
Hash: You know what, Kain, I think I'll do that.  
  
Umah: Who's the midget?  
  
Moebius: I assure you, I am of perfectly normal size.  
  
Umah: Not you, assface. Kain's midget.  
  
Kain: Allow me to introduce you to..... Minime!  
  
Turel: But... Daddy? What about.... Us?  
  
Kain: You are expendable.  
  
Umah: KAIN! Those are your children, for gods sake!  
  
Kain: God has no say in this.  
  
Umah: Raz, say something to him.  
  
Both Raziels: Which one of us?  
  
Umah: The blue one.  
  
SRRaz: But I don't care.  
  
Umah: Kain, you are sleeping on the couch tonight.  
  
Dumah is trying to lure Minime into his stomach.  
  
Dumah: Ghet in me belley. Come 'ere, bebe.  
  
Kain presses a switch on his armchair. Dumah is catapulted through the roof.  
  
Kain: Excellent. Now, Minime, if he ever gives you trouble again, just do as I told you, okay?  
  
Minime: (nods)  
  
Kain: I wouldn't know how I could live without you. You complete me. I love you.  
  
Vorador: Kain, kindly refrain from doing this at the table.  
  
Kain: You are just jealous.  
  
Vorador: Not likely. (brandishes a mini-Vorador)  
  
Janos: What the hell is that?  
  
Kain: You ripoff, Vorador. I did that first.  
  
Vorador: No, Dr. Evil did that before you. You can't say anything to this.  
  
Kain: I really hate you, Vorador.  
  
********************************************************************  
  
Hey, page 7)  
  
Kain is sitting at the couch. He's wondering how to pass the time. Suddenly he hears sound from the barroom.  
  
Kain: What the hell is this? (Short term memory, huh?)  
  
He walks in to see another party. Mortalsora is holding a limbo iron bar.)  
  
Mortalsora: How low can ya go?  
  
Kain: Oh yeah, party.  
  
His midget is sitting at the bar, drinking a tequila. After he's done, Psycho-virus83 comes over to him.  
  
Psycho: What can I get ya?  
  
Minime (like Ned Gerblansky from South park): Another tequila.  
  
Psycho: Coming right up.  
  
Dark-Sephy: Ya know, I think Kain is starting to lose his marbles badly now.  
  
MikotoTribal: Probably, but you never know. We'll be sure of it, when he starts playing Fallout 2.  
  
Sylvanon: Or Worms 1.  
  
OrpheumZero: Or chasing his family with an axe.  
  
Kain comes over to him.  
  
Kain: Hi, what are you talking about?  
  
Kaya: The new chainsaw you bought.  
  
Kain: What about it?  
  
Mikoto: Is it working well?  
  
Kain: I don't know, I haven't tried it out yet.  
  
OrpheumZero: How's the family doing?  
  
Kain: Well, Umah is dominating, as always.  
  
Mortalsora: Perhaps they need to be "corrected".  
  
Kain: What do you mean, "they"? It's just Umah being dominating.  
  
Kaya: What about Ariel?  
  
Kain: Well, she's just enjoying her omnipotence.  
  
Mortalsora: Kain, you are a demi-god. She's ¼ god. Are you gonna take crap from her?  
  
Kain: You are right. I should do something about it.  
  
Popeland: Yeah, you should.  
  
********************************************************************  
  
Okay, I seriously hope I get more than 3 reviews for this chapter. 5 or more, please.  
  
Rock on. 


	7. longest chapter of this story so far

Disclaimer: You know what I own by now.  
  
Kudos(ch 4, 6 and 7):  
  
wind rider sylvanon: You'll like this chapter. And sorry for assuming that Mysterious kat is the only Zephon fan around.  
  
Dark-Sephy: I'm glad that you liked the chapter. I didn't think it was funny, though.  
  
Space Toaster: Glad you understand.  
  
MortalSora: More Melchiah cookiness, then? Glad you liked it.  
  
OrpheumZero: Well, does that mean that you will update soon? And yes, Monkey island rules.  
  
CrownOfRust: Yep, he bites. Glad you like it. And I sure did kick that flamers ass. By the way, since you like the Magnus inquisition, have you read any of MortalSora's stories? It's him I have it from. And the way Satan speaks is also from him.  
  
MikotoTribal: As I told CrownOfRust, I kick ass at that kind of thing. SteelSoul should pull it's head out of it's ass and start thinking. By the way, what did you think of chapter 6?  
  
A/N: This chapter is at 11 pages. Kickass, huh? It sure is. Read on.  
  
***************************************************************************  
  
The scene is the lobby of the Overlook hotel. There's a huge cross standing in a fire-proof circle. Someone is hanging on the cross. It's SteelSoul, master of stupidity.  
  
Kain: So, dumbass, how does it feel to know that you are about to get your ass kicked badly?  
  
SteelSoul: Oh, my god, you are an ugly nerd.  
  
Kain: Huh? A nerd? A nerd is what made the computer you sit and write poorly made reviews.  
  
SteelSoul: Oh, I'm sorry, I didn't hear, I was busy being a stupid dumbass. Now could you please get me down from this cross?  
  
Kain: Nope. Mini-me!  
  
Mini-me(like Ned from South Park): Yes, daddy?  
  
Kain: Bring me. The sledgehammer!!!!!  
  
Dumah: Isn't Moebius using that right now?  
  
Kain: Okay, get me a firecracker.  
  
Dumah gets a firecracker. Actually, he gets many.  
  
Dumah: Here, dad.  
  
Kain: Thank you, Dumah.  
  
Kain inserts all of the firecrackers in SteelSoul's pants, then lights them on fire.  
  
SteelSoul: Uhh, could you please get those out of my pants?  
  
Kain: Nope. It's special order from Concept of a demon. We are requested to destroy your balls, because having kids when you are that stupid has got to be child abuse.  
  
At this time, the firecrackers blow up, taking most of SteelSoul's clothes with them. His balls are intact. (I don't know if SteelSoul is a man or a woman(or human for that sake), so I'm just gonna have to assume.)  
  
Kain: Damn, didn't work. Turel, get me my microwave gun.  
  
Turel gets the gun. Kain starts zapping SteelSoul in the crotch with it.  
  
SteelSoul: What are you doing?  
  
Kain: Being the ass kicking superhero that I am, I'm trying to prevent you from having kids.  
  
SteelSoul, don't budge, however.  
  
Kain: There's only one thing to do. I'm gonna have to call Maddox.  
  
Turel: You have 25 §?  
  
Kain: Of course I do. Now what's the number? Hmm, ah, right there.  
  
25 minutes later, Maddox arrives.  
  
Maddox: So, who's ass am I supposed to kick?  
  
Dumah: The dude on the cross.  
  
Maddox: Okay, payment first.  
  
Kain hands him 25 dollars. Maddox puts a shotgun close to SteelSoul's ass and shoots.  
  
SteelSoul: Ouch, goddammit.  
  
Maddox then douses the cross with petroleum and lights it on fire. (not that I'm a member of Ku Klux Klan. My membership card won't be here till Friday. Kidding.) (if you want to know who Maddox is, go to maddox.xmission.com) Maddox then punches SteelSoul in the face.  
  
Kain: Thanks for beating the shit out of SteelSoul, Maddox!  
  
Maddox: Arrgh! Go f-ck yourself!  
  
So now that SteelSoul has had it's ass kicked, we will move on with the story. Kain is coming into the living room. Ariel is sitting at the couch, cuddling with Raziel.  
  
Kain: Ariel, you half faced bitch, you and me, right now.  
  
Ariel: What's the matter, Kain?  
  
Kain: I'm tired of you trying to lord it over my life. I'm a demi-god, you are a ¼ god. I can take you on any day.  
  
Ariel sighs and gets up from the couch. Suddenly she disappears from view and appears behind Kain. She knees him right in the ass.  
  
Kain: OUCH!!!!111  
  
Ariel does a forward flip and lands in front of Kain, then, she punches him right in the jaw. Kain tumbles backwards and retaliates with a forward kick. Ariel dodges and Kain flies into the wall. He gets up from the rubble and jumps at Ariel.  
  
Ariel: You aren't controlling yourself, Kain.  
  
Kain: ROOARH!!  
  
Kain tries to punch Ariel as fast as he can, and as many times as he can. Ariel jumps at him, he ducks, then she spins in mid-air and kicks him right in the back of his head. He gets up and kicks 50 times for her head. She dodges them all and kicks his legs down from under him, then punches him into the wall. They jump at each other, and in Matrix style, they punch at each others. (The punches looks like bullets being slowed down.) Finally they land and start a war of telekinesis. Kain jumps at the wall and kicks off from it, flying against Ariel at high speed. Another series of Matrix style slow punching and Kain goes flying into the wall. Ariel flips Kain off from her shoulder, then back-flips, kicking him with both her legs. He punches for her stomach, but misses and hits a brick wall. While he's whining, Ariel knees him in the spine, and he falls down. Being cocky, Ariel starts mocking him  
  
Ariel: Lord of Nosgoth, my ass.  
  
Kain quickly punches her straight in the face, then bites her shoulder.  
  
Ariel: Ouch.  
  
Kain quickly kicks her in the stomach, then back-flips and kicks her, the same way she kicked him. Then he jumps at her, pummelling her. She suddenly kicks upwards, nailing Kain right in the throat. While he's rubbing his throat, she kicks him as hard as she can, in his stomach. A snap is heard as Kain breaks his spine, and slumps to the floor.  
  
********************************************************************  
  
Later, in the hospital, while Kain is laying on the bed, Umah comes in with flowers. Not to cheer him up, but because he started eating them, and she can't get her hands on any blood. And hey, he has to eat something, right?  
  
Mini-me(he always speaks as Ned from South Park, okay): I'll have you avenged, dad.  
  
Kain: Mini-me, I want you to promise me to never take on Ariel.  
  
Mini-me: But.  
  
Kain: NO BUT'S! Don't take her on, promise me that.  
  
Mini-me: I promise.  
  
Later that evening, due to his healing ability, Kain is back at the hotel. Again there is a party.  
  
MortalSora: You couldn't even take on a ¼ god. It doesn't get any more pathetic than that.  
  
Kain: I thought you said I were a demi-god.  
  
Orpheumzero: You are. But we were wrongly informed.  
  
MortalSora: We were?  
  
OrpheumZero: Yeah, turns out she's ¾ god.  
  
MortalSora: Oh. Well, Kain, I wouldn't take her on if I were you.  
  
Kain: WOULDN'T TAKE HER ON? DON'T YOU THINK IT'S A LITTLE LATE FOR THAT?  
  
MikotoTribal: Hey, no need to shout.  
  
Sylvanon: Yeah, so relax, Kain. So what are you going to do about Ariel?  
  
Kain: I'm gonna make her an offer she can't refuse.  
  
Dark-sephy walks in with a huge black board.  
  
Dark-sephy: Kain, I want you to write the following sentence a hundred times: I am not the Godfather.  
  
Kain: Make me.  
  
So after Kain's leg has been broken, he decides to follow orders: I am not the Godfather I am not the Godfather I am not the Godfather I am not the Godfather I am not the Godfather  
  
Okay, I'll stop wasting space now.  
  
************************************************************************  
  
Back in the hotel lobby, from the smouldering ashes of the cross, crawls SteelSoul, badly burnt, and with a very stupid hair cut, due to most of the hair being burnt off. It looks up.  
  
SteelSoul: Eep.  
  
Hash comes in and starts jumping on SteelSoul in a comical fashion. He then kicks him through the wall and throws a huge fireball at the hole. He walks out, and in walks Moebius, who drags SteelSoul off to his room to do unspeakable things to him.  
  
SteelSoul(hopeful): I am? Really?  
  
Yes, now can it.  
  
********************************************************************  
  
Kain has returned to home, and he wants to watch some television. Umah starts cooking dinner, because apparently, women must always do that for some reason. No, I don't know why either.  
  
Umah: It's because I'm the only one who can cook.  
  
Apart from Mortanius, Ariel, Rahab, Melchiah and Moebius.  
  
Kain: Moebius can cook?  
  
Umah: Yeah, and good food, too. Until he started adding "milk".  
  
Kain: That's so gross, it's unbelievable.  
  
Umah: Yeah, and he didn't even warn me.  
  
Kain: Wha- oh forget it, I don't really want to know.  
  
Hash walks in. He's wearing a hat with 2 beer cans on each side.  
  
Kain: What the hell are you doing with those on? What's in them?  
  
Hash: I stole some beer from Raziel's secret stash.  
  
Kain: Doesn't that joke belong to OrpheumZero?  
  
Hash: Perhaps, but Concept of a demon has been stealing from others since day one.  
  
Kain: Not in the start.  
  
Hash: Okay, maybe not from the start. But he's been doing it for some time now.  
  
COAD: Yeah, I hope I don't get sued.  
  
Umah: They haven't sued you yet, remember?  
  
Suddenly, shouts are heard.  
  
Magnus: I WANT MEAT, I WANT MEAT, I WANT MEAT!!!  
  
Melchiah: I WANT COOKIES, I WANT COOKIES, I WANT COOKIES!!!  
  
Vorador: I WANT WOMEN, I WANT WOMEN, I WANT WOMEN!!!  
  
Kain: Oh, zip it, Vorador.  
  
SRRaz:Yeah, he really shouldn't be so perverted.  
  
Kain: No, he shouldn't.  
  
SRRaz: Although, it's not like you're any better.  
  
Kain: Alright, shh.  
  
SRRaz: But-  
  
Kain: www.shh.com  
  
SRRaz: Don't-  
  
Kain: I got a bag of sh with your name on it.  
  
SRRaz: I-  
  
Kain: zip it.  
  
SRRaz: Stop-  
  
Kain: I have some ZIPPERS, for ya.  
  
SRRaz: You're being a baby.  
  
Kain: www.zipit.net  
  
SRRaz: Shu-  
  
Kain: www.zipit.org  
  
SRRaz: GODDAMMIT, KAIN, SHUT YER TRAP!!!!!  
  
Kain: Er-  
  
SRRaz: I got a bag of SH with your name on IT!  
  
Kain: Don't curse at me, boy.  
  
SRRaz: SHUT IT, KAIN!  
  
Kain: 0_o Okay.  
  
**********************************************************************  
  
In a bed, lies Dumah and DeJoule. A lot of food lies besides the bed.  
  
Dumah: Look at all that. (takes a big crunch of some chicken) You want some, I got more of it?  
  
DeJoule: No thanks. But I must say you're sexy.  
  
Dumah: I'm dead sexy.  
  
DeJoule: You're damn right.  
  
**************************************************************************  
  
Kain: What the hell was that?  
  
Umah: Some random stuff. Doesn't have any reason, other than to annoy Dark- Sephy. (no offense to you, Dark-sephy)  
  
Kain: This isn't progressing very nicely. I want some blood. I haven't had any blood for 5 months. (yes, they've been there that long.)  
  
Umah: That's because we ran out of it 5 months ago, Kain.  
  
Kain: Screw this, I'm just gonna watch some cable tv. (walks into the tv room)  
  
Umah: I wonder how he's going to react when he finds out the tv's broken.  
  
************************************************************************  
  
Vraz is driving around the halls in a go-kart. He passes a corner, then sees Turel and Dumah.  
  
Vraz: Hey, guys, how's it going?  
  
Dumah and Turel turns into big demons who are really monstrous. They would scare the shit out of almost anyone. But-  
  
Vraz: Hmm, extreme schizophrenia.  
  
Back to Dumah and Turel.  
  
Vraz: You should see a shrink about it.  
  
Back to demons.  
  
Vraz: See ya, dudes.  
  
Suddenly, a scream penetrates the hallways.  
  
Kain: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!! !!!  
  
Vraz: What the hell was that?  
  
Kain: NO CABLE TV! FATE IS CRUEL TO ME!!!!  
  
**************************************************************************** ************  
  
Kain(scarily calm): Umah, since when were the tv broken?  
  
Umah(carefully): umm, since yesterday?  
  
Kain: Typewriter time.  
  
Umah: Crap. He's losing it.  
  
**************************************************************************** *******  
  
Well, wasn't that funny? Kickass chapter. And I definitely kicked StellSoul's ass. I'm gonna edit my bio now. Read my bio tomorrow to know.  
  
By the way, "SteelSoul", though I still doubt the name, if you dislike people that are different from you and call them nerds, try thinking about this: If everybody conformed to others view, we would still be in the stone age. Nerds have made us capable of many things, that people like you wouldn't be able to come up with. If it weren't for nerds, we probably wouldn't even have discovered fire.  
  
Thanks to you, I have to tell people not to flame. Screw you, SteelSoul. Or Mavine.  
  
5 reviews or more. (preferably more).  
  
No flames. 


	8. New stuff

Disclaimer: Rayne is property of Majesco and Terminal Reality. (not that I wouldn't like to own her. (gets slapped) Ouch) LOK belongs to Eidos, crystal dynamics and so on. I own Randy Jackass. Not that I'm proud of it. Oh, I also own Corey and Jenny. Though they don't appear in this story. They're not copyrighted, though.  
  
Kudos  
  
Blood Of Angels: They burn. Muahahahah. Ahem, yes. Glad you liked it, by the way.  
  
Dark-Sephy: Hmm, I actually thought that it wasn't so random anymore. Thankfully, it was, and you have re-established my faith in my self. (?)  
  
Mortalsora: Ahem, the "offer" was just a random idea. (and an excuse for me to rip the godfather off) And you're right. He does get his ass kicked alot. Maybe now that he's insane, he'll be better at fighting.  
  
MikotoTribal: Hmm, I'm glad you like the fight scenes. I don't really think I will include Steelsoul anymore. It provides much needed attention for her, you know. And I don't feel like being the one to give it to her. By the way, she came out of Moebius' room with a "milk" beard.  
  
Author's note: Okay, I have a question. Do any of you think that this is as funny as "The exorcist, oh wait a minute"? I personally don't know if it is, so I need you guys to decide.  
  
Also, if anyone hates Bloodrayne, well, she is included in this chapter, so I don't know what you're gonna do.  
  
Enjoy the chapter.  
  
***************************************************************************  
  
Meanwhile, in the lobby  
  
Turel: Ya know, Dumah, not much happens at this hotel.  
  
Dumah: Oh, I don't know, Ariel and dad fighting is kinda fun to watch.  
  
Turel: Other than that, not much.  
  
Dumah: Except for the occasional screams from Moebius' room. (Both of them shudder)  
  
Suddenly, without seeing them, Kain walks past, in a sinister position. He's rubbing his hands, like evil badasses do, when they have something planned.  
  
Kain: Soon, my plan shall come into fruition. MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Ahem.  
  
Turel and Dumah look at each other.  
  
Dumah: What the hell was that?  
  
Turel: Dad must be losing it.  
  
Dumah: About time. Corey went insane after 5 chapters, and we're up on 9 now.  
  
Turel: More durable dad.  
  
Dumah: Indeed.  
  
Suddenly, lightning flashes, and down drops a red haired woman. She has retraceable blades on her arms, and a revealing outfit. She gets up from the floor.  
  
Turel(Like Homer Simpson): Oh my god, oh my god, it's Bloodrayne.  
  
Rayne: What the hell am I doing here?  
  
Dumah: Okay, has the author been playing Bloodrayne or what?  
  
Turel: Well, obviously he has, hasn't he?  
  
Dumah: Horny bastard that he is.  
  
Turel: Well, you have to admit, she does look mighty fine.  
  
Dumah: She's still just a fictional character.  
  
Turel: So are we, Dumah.  
  
Dumah: Oh yeah. (wonders about the mysteries of life for some reason)  
  
**************************************************************************  
  
At Ariel and Raziels "hangout". Well, I don't know what else to call it.  
  
Ariel: So, Raziel, now that the horny bastard known as Concept of a demon has brought Bloodrayne into the story, are you still interested in me?  
  
Raziel(nervously): Yes I am, honey. You know I only have eyes for you.  
  
Ariel: Well, technically, you don't have eyes anymore, now do you?  
  
Raziel: No need to rub it in.  
  
Ariel: Silence, underling.  
  
Raziel: Yes, my mistress.  
  
***************************************************************************  
  
Voradors room. Or maybe not.  
  
Magnus: I WANT MY MEAT!!  
  
Rahab: Oh, do shut up. I'm trying to get some sleep here.  
  
Magnus: I'M IN THE MOOD FOR FISH!  
  
Rahab: 0_o I'm out of here!  
  
*************************************************************************  
  
Down in the bar.  
  
Kain is walking around with a crazy look in his eyes. Think Jack Nicholson style insanity.  
  
Kain: Maim.. Pain.. Destroy all!! MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!  
  
Dark-sephy: Kain, you always get your ass kicked by Ariel. How are you gonna destroy them all?  
  
OrpheumZero: Yeah, you probably can't even catch them.  
  
Sylvanon: Yeah, what are you gonna do?  
  
Kain(insanely/or like Popeye the sailor man): I'LL GET ME GOAT!!! MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! (grabs a random goat and start riding around on it.) MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAAHHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHA COUGH!! Ahem, yes. Time to get some fuel for me mule.  
  
MortalSora: Great, he was supposed to go insane, not stupid.  
  
Mikototribal: Who cares? Just get him some kind of weapon.  
  
Kain picks up an absolutely huge axe and starts swinging it like there's no tomorrow.  
  
Kain: HERE COMES THE KAIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIINNNNNN!!! ! (rides off in the distance)  
  
Everybody else: ???  
  
**************************************************************************** ***  
  
In the kitchen. At night.  
  
Umah is slicing vegetables, when all of a sudden, a scream is heard from the lobby. A very girly scream. She runs to the lobby.  
  
Umah: What the hell is going on up here?  
  
Moebius: It's Kain. He says he'll throw me into the dumpster with my panties down.  
  
Umah: Say what?  
  
Umah goes over to the typewriter, and looks at some words that are written on it: Feeling fine.  
  
Umah: Well that's good. I guess he won't be chasing us down with an axe, then.  
  
Lightning flashes, and Umah sees that the walls are covered with a sentence.  
  
Walls: No blood, beer or TV makes Kain go gagagogo.  
  
Umah and Moebius: (screams again and again)  
  
???(like Beavis and butthead): eheheheh... eheheeheh... hehehehhee...  
  
Lightning flashes again and the walls are covered with another writing.  
  
Walls: All work and no play makes Kain a dull boy.  
  
Lightning flashes again.  
  
Walls: I'LL GET ME GOAT TONIGHT!!!  
  
Umah: ????  
  
???(from the shadows): How do you like it, Umah?  
  
Umah: Kain?  
  
Kain: No, Santa Claus.  
  
Umah: Well, insane-Kain, or normal Kain? Oh wait...  
  
Rayne walks into the room  
  
Rayne: I'm NOT cleaning that up.  
  
Kain/Umah/Moebius: (blinks for a moment, blinks again, raises eyebrow) huh?  
  
Rayne: Never mind. (walks out again)  
  
Kain: 0_\ Riiiiiiiiiiiiight.  
  
Umah picks Moebius up by the legs and smashes Kain with his head.  
  
Kain: Mighty is our Lord, he truly is the best. (falls unconscious)  
  
Umah: We need to lock him up, Moebius. Moebius?  
  
Moebius: Mighty is our Lord, he truly is the best. (falls unconscious)  
  
Umah: Damn, now I gotta carry them both to the fridge. Damn. But then I'll get my revenge on Moebius. MUAHAHAHAHAHAHHAAHAHAHAHHAHAHHAHAH! Ahem, yes. (Drags them to the fridge)  
  
Kain: Grmblshnzonkwotghsi..  
  
Umah: Now I'll get revenge on you, Moebius. You never should have "forgotten" to warn me about the "milk" you added to that cake.  
  
**************************************************************************** ******  
  
In the fridge, Kain and Moebius is waking up. Kain looks at Moebius, then gets an insane look in his eyes, and smiles madly.  
  
Kain: TIME TO MAKE A PARADOX!!! AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!  
  
Umah(outside from the fridge): 0_o! Oooookaaayy.  
  
**************************************************************************** ****  
  
In Turel and Dumah's room, a nazi has appeared for no good reason at all. (No, I'm not one myself)  
  
Turel: Who the flying hell is that?  
  
Rayne appears like roadrunner. (You know, really fast, then stopping at the spot.) She jumps at him, and starts sucking his blood.  
  
Turel(tense): mrm... eh... iev... hggg.. (runs off to do something that if described, would make me have to rate this fic R)  
  
Dumah: Oh, come on, Turel, it's not so bad.  
  
Rayne: What's wrong with him?  
  
Dumah: He's a pervert.  
  
Rayne: Like the author?  
  
Dumah: No one's as perverted as the author.  
  
Rayne: No one?  
  
Dumah: Look, he's worse than Vorador.  
  
Rayne: Damn. Are you sure?  
  
Dumah: He didn't play the game again for the action only.  
  
Rayne: Really?  
  
Dumah: No, and he also used that particular code for a reason.  
  
Rayne: You mean "juggydancesquad"?  
  
Am I the only one who thinks this sequence is getting boring?  
  
**************************************************************************** **  
  
At the fridge. (Not in the fridge)  
  
Mortalsora: Kain, can you hear us?  
  
Kain: I WANT MY MEAT!!  
  
Mortalsora: Hey, that's Magnus' line.  
  
OrpheumZero: Open the door, Mortal.  
  
They open the door. Inside, Kain is sitting at the bloody remains of Moebius, grinning.  
  
Kain: I WANT ME GOAT!  
  
OrpheumZero: Uhuh. Look, Kain, if you get your goat, and your axe, you can get vengeance on them all.  
  
Kain: VENGEANCE! VENGEANCE FOR MY ETERNITY OF SUFFERING!  
  
Malek: Hey, that's my line.  
  
Kain runs at Malek, grabs him by the legs, and throw him in the trash compactor.  
  
Malek: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRGH! (is crushed)  
  
Kain runs off, to get his goat and his axe.  
  
OrpheumZero and Mortalsora: Whacko.  
  
In the fridge, Moebius starts recollecting himself, terminator 2 style. OrpheumZero and Mortalsora looks at each other, then whip out the nuclear weapons from ghostbusters.  
  
MortalSora/OrpheumZero(with evil grins on their faces): Time to die, jackass.  
  
Randy Jackass: Were you calling?  
  
Mortalsora and OrpheumZero shoots him.  
  
MortalSora/OrpheumZero: No, we didn't, jackass.  
  
Randy Jackass(weakly): No... one.. Loves me... (dies)  
  
Moebius: I'm sure we can work something out, so you don't have to shoot me. How about this?  
  
He strips down to his boxers, then starts disco dancing.  
  
ZAP!  
  
Moebius is standing on the spot, blackened.  
  
Moebius: Maybe not. How bout some milk?  
  
ZAP! ZAP! ZAP! ZAP! ZAP!  
  
Moebius: Maybe not. How about-  
  
ZAP! ZAP! ZAP! ZAP! ZAP! ZAP! ZAP! ZAP! ZAP! ZAP!  
  
MortalSora: NOTHING can save your ass.  
  
**************************************************************************  
  
In the hallway, Kain runs into Rayne. Literally.  
  
SLAM!  
  
Kain: Dawgone it, you sure are purdy.  
  
Rayne: What. The. Hell?  
  
Kain: Wanna dance?  
  
Rayne: Uhh...  
  
Kain: Come on, it will be fun.  
  
Rayne: No thanks. I don't dance in perverted stories.  
  
Kain: Come on, we can dance... THE PENETRADA!  
  
Rayne: ???  
  
Kain: It makes sex look like a CHURCH!  
  
Rayne: o_0 SOMEONE'S been watching The Simpsons. (runs off)  
  
***************************************************************************  
  
Hmm, no one slices the psycho, it seems.  
  
You know the drill, 5 reviews. And no flames. Otherwise, you'll feel my wrath.  
  
Though I don't want flames, I don't mind constructive criticism, (although, the story IS supposed to be weird.) so don't be afraid to ask for changes in further chapters.  
  
Hmm, this story will probably be over soon. 


	9. Kain is a psychopath and Corey appears a...

Kudos:  
  
Blood of Angels: Well, read it in small doses then. I don't want my reviewers dying.  
  
Mortalsora: All things have to end eventually. I know about being a Kain fan. I guess we hurt the one's we love. Oh wait..  
  
Mikototribal: Heheh, the fish thing was very random. Well, Moebius gets his butt kicked in this chapter, too, so be happy.  
  
Space Toaster: DEFINITELY a funny sequence in the Simpsons.  
  
Dark-sephy: Yep, he has.  
  
A/N: Due to the fact that I have got Evil Dead 2 on dvd this week (and seen it), we have another Evil Dead 2'eusqe moment. (I probably fucked that sentence up, but what the hell)  
  
Also, more Steelsoul bashing, due to me responding to her in a misanthropic moment.  
  
Also, last chapter of this story. This one, I didn't think I would get done with. Hmm, kind of a hectic story.  
  
Read on.  
  
**************************************************************************** **  
  
In the lobby, Kain is once again walking around, rubbing his hands gleefully.  
  
Kain: ehehhee.... ehehheeeheheheheheheheheehe.... AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHH HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (A/N: Psycho!)  
  
Ariel walks around the corner. The 2 look at each other, ready to duel. Hell, let's throw in a dueling theme, too. Kain lunges at Ariel.  
  
**************************************************************************** ***** SRRaz is sitting in a couch. Suddenly, Ariel is crashing through the wall. Kain climbs through the hole.  
  
Kain: You thought yourself a GOD, when in fact you were a disciple.  
  
SRRaz: Ouh?  
  
Kain punches Ariel straight in the face. She goes flying against the wall. She jumps at him, but he simply catches her by the throat, then starts punching her belly with his other hand. She kicks him right in the groin, and nothing happens.  
  
Kain: MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! NO MORE GROIN FUN FOR ARIEL!! (Now that I think about it, that does sound a tad kinky, hmm.)  
  
Ariel: I'll hack you from grotch to gizzard and feed what's left to your bride.  
  
Kain kicks her right in the belly, causing her to double over, then flips his body forwards, instantly kicking her in the back, making her fall over. As she tries to get up, he falls on her, wrestling style. She quickly gets up, but Kains fist flies forward into her chest, making her heave for her breath.  
  
Ariel: He's... Too strong.... (faints)  
  
SRRaz: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!  
  
He starts to punch Kain a lot, ending up with Kain going through the wall.  
  
SRRaz: You hurt my love, Kain. I can never forgive you for this.  
  
To his horror, Kain rises from the broken remains of the wall, unharmed. He's laughing like a madman.  
  
Kain: AAAAAAAHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!  
  
He kicks his leg up in an angle of 180 degrees, hitting Raz hard in the head. For some reason, there's an axe on the wall. Raziel tries to grab it, but Kain whacks him aside easily. He takes the axe and Raziel tries to get out of the room, with Ariel on his shoulder.  
  
Kain: YOU CAN'T RUN FROM ME, RAZZY! YOU WERE BOUND TO BE DESTROYED BY ME!!!  
  
**************************************************************************** ****  
  
In the kitchen, Umah and everyone else but Kain, are debating.  
  
Umah: So now that Kain has gone psycho...  
  
Vraz: I fail to see the change.  
  
Umah: Okay, that's true, but still. We've got to kill him.  
  
Melchiah: You're gonna hurt daddy?  
  
Zephon: Daddy went psycho.  
  
Dumah: He has to be smashed.  
  
Kain (from downstairs): I CAN HEAR YOU ALL. I'M COMING FOR YOU NOW!  
  
Turel: We have got to get out of here.  
  
Morty: Someone must distract Kain, so the rest can get away. I vote Moebius.  
  
Dumah: Me too.  
  
Turel: Me too.  
  
Rahab: Me too.  
  
Melchiah: Me too.  
  
Umah: Me too.  
  
Magnus: ME TOO!  
  
Sebastian: Me too.  
  
Faustus: Me too.  
  
Marcus: Me too.  
  
Ariel: Me too.  
  
SRRaz: Me too.  
  
Moebius: I vote Umah.  
  
Vorador: Outruled. I vote Moebius, too.  
  
Moebius: But..  
  
At this exact moment, Steelsoul arrives. (and if you're wondering why she's still included, go read chapter 7 again.)  
  
Steelsoul: Moebius, will you marry me?  
  
Moebius: Of course I will, my love. Shall we celebrate this with a glass of "milk"?  
  
Steelsoul: Sure.  
  
The 2 run off.  
  
All: GROSS!!!!  
  
Vorador: Bah. I put a bomb in his room, anyway. I didn't know we would get double bonus, though, what with Steelsoul being inside and all.  
  
At this moment, Moebius' room blows up.  
  
BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Kain: I HEARD THAT! TIME FOR SOME MEAT! MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!  
  
Magnus: KAIN AND MAGNUS HAS SOMETHING TO TALK ABOUT. MEAT!!!  
  
Magnus runs off to join Kain in his mad ramblings.  
  
**************************************************************************** **************  
  
In Moebius' room. It will NOT be described.  
  
Moebius: They murdered my dear Steelsoul. (Looks at the ring she gave him) My presciousssssssssssssssssssssssss.  
  
The door flies open.  
  
Kain: IT IS TIME.... FOR MEAT!!!!!!!!  
  
Magnus: MADE OF TIMESTREAMERS.  
  
Moebius: Holy hell.  
  
As Kain and Magnus jumps at Moebius, the camera pans to the wall. Judging by the shadows, he is being mauled heavily right now.  
  
Wrestling commentator 1: Hard headlock by Magnus.  
  
Wrestling commentator 2: He sends The Timestreamer to the corner, where he's being kicked down by Kain.  
  
COAD: Okay, stop this. I don't want wrestling commentators on my story.  
  
Wrestling commentator 2: You're the one writing it. It's your own fault.  
  
COAD: Maybe you're right. Maybe you're right. (throws both wrestling commentators into the battle, where they get mauled like Moebius.)  
  
**************************************************************************** ********  
  
Umah: Judging by the screaming from Moebius' room, I'd say we are free of him.  
  
Vorador: Not for sure. He has come back, countless times.  
  
Umah: Oh my god, Kain is gonna kill us all!!! What are we gonna do?  
  
Dramatic theme music plays and lightning strikes in the middle of the room. At the soothing spot, stands Corey in all of his glory. (I didn't mean for it to rhyme, it just happened.)  
  
Corey: What am I doing here?  
  
Ariel: Plot hole. Corey, we need your help.  
  
Corey: What now? Has Lars Ulrich returned?  
  
Umah: Kain's gone crazy!  
  
Corey: .... You're living in the past, you know that?  
  
Umah: He's trying to kill us!  
  
Corey: .... As I said..  
  
Vorador: It doesn't matter. Can you do something about him?  
  
Corey: I'm gonna need a chainsaw for that.  
  
Janos: What about the one you had before?  
  
Corey: Jenny sold it.  
  
Janos: I'm sorry.  
  
Hash: You guys? You do realise that we have one in the garage, right?  
  
**************************************************************************** *******  
  
In the garage.  
  
Corey: Where is it?  
  
Hash: There. (Points to the chainsaw)  
  
Corey: Let's do it.  
  
They start adding iron straps to the chainsaw, effectively attaching it to Corey's stumpy right arm.  
  
Corey: Gnarly, dude!  
  
Morty: If we are quite done messing with the one liners, could we please kill the psycho?  
  
Corey: The dude with the boxers? I'm not going near him again.  
  
Morty (deadpan): Kain.  
  
Corey: I gotta have a double barrelled shotgun.  
  
Hash: We only have a pump-action shotgun.  
  
Vorador: Pump-action?  
  
Corey starts the chainsaw really fast.  
  
Corey: Got something to say, Vorry?  
  
Vorador: No.  
  
Corey: Good.  
  
They saw the barrel of the shotgun off, and Corey is now ready to kick ass.  
  
**************************************************************************** ****  
  
In the living room, Raziel is attending Ariel. Suddenly, Raziel's head is cut clean off, by an axe.  
  
Ariel: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH!  
  
Kain: TIME TO DIE, GIRLY-GIRL. HUH?  
  
Kain's head is spontaneously blown apart. The way we want Jehowa's witnesses heads to blow up. Corey reloads the shotgun. Kain regrows his head.  
  
Kain: YOU CAN'T KILL ME, CAUSE I'M ALREADY INSIDE YOU.  
  
Corey: Shut your ass.  
  
Kain: HUH?  
  
Corey: It means, you have to shut the hell up.  
  
Kain: Shouldn't you be telling me to shut my MOUTH, then?  
  
Corey: Well, the same amount of shit goes through both ends, so I don't really know..  
  
Kain: Damn! (runs off) I SMELL AN UMAH!!!!!!!  
  
Corey: Where are the rest of the psychos?  
  
Hash: they are hiding upstairs.  
  
Corey: Guess he WILL say "here's johnny" then.  
  
**************************************************************************** *****  
  
A door is hacked apart.  
  
Kain: HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEERRRRRRRRRR RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE'S JOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOHNNYYYYYYYYY YYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!!!!!!  
  
Morty: I wonder how I got up here?  
  
Kain: BLARHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! WHERE'S THE REST?  
  
Morty: You really think I'm gonna tell you that?  
  
Kain: BONEFACE WILL TELL, UNLESS I'LL RING HIS BELLS!  
  
Morty (scared): They are upstairs.  
  
Kain (fading into the distance): THANK YOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU....  
  
**************************************************************************** ************  
  
Kain: HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEREEEEEEEEEEEEEEE'S DANNY!  
  
Kain: DAVID LETTERMAN.  
  
**************************************************************************** ***********  
  
Kain: JAY LENO!  
  
**************************************************************************** ************  
  
Kain: JERRY SPRINGER.  
  
Umah: AAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRGGGGHG! He found us.  
  
Kain: YOU ARE ALL GOING TO DIE NOW, MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!! GHMP! (Corey's shotgun is inserted in Kain's mouth)  
  
Corey: The ultimate bl0w-job! (BOOM!)  
  
Kain regrows his head again.  
  
Corey: Damnit, does he never die? Seriously! (reloads the shotguhn)  
  
Vraz: Watch out, Corey, he's 9/10 god now.  
  
Corey: Doesn't matter. I'll still kick his ass 3 times before he hit the ground.  
  
Kain jumps at Corey, but gets his legs taken off by a swipe with the chainsaw. After the legs have regrown, Kain kicks Corey in the stomach, causing him to double over. Corey uppercuts Kain with the chainsaw, sawing his front side up. Kain backhands Corey. Corey quickly gets behind him, and blows the backside of his head off with the shotgun.  
  
Corey: The new and improved boomstick. Now holds 6 shells, making sure you will never run out of ass kicking material at the wrong time, unless you're a dumbass.  
  
Kain slowly gets up.  
  
Kain: YOU'LL NEVER DEFEAT ME, CRAP-KID!  
  
Corey: Considering your head is so far up your ass, I have a little something to tell you. SHITFACE!  
  
Kain. YOUR ONE-LINERS ARE GETTING WORSE AND WORSE.  
  
Corey: At least I don't have to compensate by using big words.  
  
Dumah (groans): here comes the puns!  
  
Dumah gets hit by a stray shotgun blast, sending him flying into a wall.  
  
Umah: Damnit, Corey, are you trying to kill Kain, or are you just being a madman?  
  
Corey: I've been struck by lightning, sent here to battle psychos, when I could be making out with Jenny. Do you really think I care about you? I just wanna kill something.  
  
Kain hits Corey in the back of the head, but Corey jabs at his spine three times. Kain transforms into a wolf at this time. He howls at a moon, existing only in his twisted mind. He jumps at Corey, but gets show down, while in mid- air. He falls flat on the ground.  
  
Corey: Good dog. Play dead.  
  
Umah: I don't think he's dead yet.  
  
Corey throws him in the fire place.  
  
Kain: IT BUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUURNS! WHAT THE HELL DID YOU DO THAT FOR, COREY? Corey? What the hell are you doing here anyway?  
  
Corey: You had gone psycho. Are you still insane?  
  
Kain: In what way?  
  
Corey: Do you have the urge to kill something for no good reason?  
  
Kain: Always!  
  
Corey: He's back to normal.  
  
All: YAY!  
  
Magnus: I WANT MY MEAT!  
  
Corey: I gotta do it right this time. "Clatuu Verata Nictuu." (is hurled home to England)  
  
Umah: Good riddance to bad rubbish.  
  
Zephon: Hell no! Corey kicks ass.  
  
Janos: Yeah, he does. Now let's get out of this hell hole.  
  
Kain: I need a beer first.  
  
All: HELL NO!  
  
Umah: We're going now, Kain.  
  
Kain: But...  
  
Umah: NOW!  
  
Kain: 0_o! Okay.  
  
Steelsoul walks into the room, armed with a flame-thrower.  
  
Steelsoul: Now that the badass kid has left the building, I'll take over.  
  
Lightning strikes, and who appears, but Ash. (A/N: the king of badasses) Steelsoul loses arms, head, legs and her torso gets blown to pieces. But even though her working is futile, she still keeps going. Kain finally picks up the flame-thrower.  
  
Kain: BURN, BABY, BURN!  
  
Steelsoul burns. This would be a great time to add petroleum.  
  
Steelsoul: IT BUUUUUUUUUURNS! (dies)  
  
Melchiah: Can we go home now, dad?  
  
Kain: Yes, Melchiah, we can.  
  
SRRaz: Are you sure we don't have to pack first?  
  
Ariel: Do that for us, underling.  
  
SRRaz: yes, my goddess.  
  
Turel: coughslavecough.  
  
Suddenly, Nupraptor appears.  
  
Nuppy: Damnit, I should have been here to save you all from Kain.  
  
Kain sneaks up on him with a huge axe. Then, chops him in the back.  
  
Kain: Just die, asshole.  
  
So once the working boy (AKA SRRaz) has packed everything, they leave in the car.  
  
Vorador: It's kinda cramped, Concept.  
  
DAMNIT!  
  
**************************************************************************** ********  
  
Okay, that's it. The story's done. Hmm, I feel kind of depressed. Must be the fact that I'm out of ideas, therefore not knowing how to continue it.  
  
The series won't continue, until I know what the hell to write about. That means: Give me suggestions. And even with suggestions, NOTHING'S gonna happen, until I get at least 5 reviews for this one.  
  
And flamers must go to heaven, so I don't have to deal with them, once I die.  
  
Hmm, I sound kind of pissed off, don't I? I'm not. Just thought I'd let you know.  
  
Credits roll. The song, Moonlight shadow. It has nothing to do with the story, but I really like this song.  
  
The last that ever she saw him,  
  
Carried away by a moonlight shadow.  
  
He passed on worried and warning,  
  
Carried away by a moonlight shadow.  
  
Lost in a riddle that Saturday night,  
  
Far away on the other side.  
  
He was caught in the middle of a desperate fight  
  
And she couldn't find how to push through. The trees that whisper in the evening,  
  
Carried away by a moonlight shadow.  
  
Sing a song of sorrow and grieving,  
  
Carried away by a moonlight shadow.  
  
All she saw was a silhouette of a gun,  
  
Far away on the other side.  
  
He was shot six times by a man on the run  
  
And she couldn't find how to push through.  
  
I stay, I pray  
  
See you in heaven far away.  
  
I stay, I pray  
  
See you in heaven one day. Four a.m. in the morning,  
  
Carried away by a moonlight shadow.  
  
I watched your vision forming,  
  
Carried away by a moonlight shadow.  
  
Stars roll slowly in a silvery night,  
  
Far away on the other side.  
  
Will you come to terms with me this night,  
  
But she couldn't find how to push through.  
  
Far away on the other side. Caught in the middle of a hundred and five.  
  
The night was heavy and the air was alive,  
  
But she couldn't find how to push through. Carried away by a moonlight shadow.  
  
Carried away by a moonlight shadow.  
  
Far away on the other side.  
  
But she couldn't find how to push through.  
  
**************************************************************************** ************  
  
In the lobby of the hotel, an arm rises out of the pebbles. Moebius rises to his feet, face looking like a pizza.  
  
Moebius: I'll never die! Yay!  
  
A nuclear bomb is dropped at him. Not enough to kill him, you say? 10 more bombs.  
  
THE END. 


End file.
